July recap (a lot actually happened??)

My fervor for this blog, while invisible, has actually remained firm in my mind over the past few months. Almost every day I have the thought "I should really write about this on my blog". I just haven't done it, which is probably detrimental as I have developed some heartfelt interests that I can't help but talk about. It shouldn't be an issue. It isn't one, really, but there's a weird balance I am always treading between my embarrassment and anxiety about sharing what I like, and my drive to totally pour out my whole heart constantly. So when I started to fall for with The West Wing (gateway drug to loving Martin Sheen) I only mentioned it half-jokingly or tentatively. Because I was embarrassed! I don't think the show is embarrassing, but everything I talk about seems to come out that way.

 I don't know that I consume media in a normal fashion either. I have to really connect with an actor or singer to be reeled in by a movie or show or album, that's why I barely listen to anyone but the Beatles and I didn't watch anything at all until recently. Using The West Wing as an example, I decided on a whim to watch it a bit over a month ago. I think I had watched a video on youtube where somebody mentioned it, and for some reason it rattled around my brain for a few weeks until I suddenly wanted to see it. The first episode half-hooked me really quickly because I love political drama: the walking around and talking about Congress or whatever is exactly the kind of entertainment that hits right for me. I was struggling to remember who was who in the huge ensemble cast, but generally having a good time. Then, at the end, President Bartlet (who had been poked fun at for being a useless klutz for the previous 35 minutes) showed up as this fatherly, sweatshirt-wearing, somewhat Michael Scott-esque, silly yet serious, guy. He delivered his little monologue and the show ended with this sense about the cast like "ah, he is so ridiculous but he's our guy. we love him." I am not sure in the slightest why I liked him so much. It only got better as the series continued and Bartlet went from a minor character to the heart of the show.

Martin Sheen in The West Wing pilot episode ❤

In any case, I developed a real affinity for this show. It was made even easier since I in fact did know an actor in it- Stockard Channing! Rizzo! I had recently rewatched Grease, so my West Wing love was compounded every time Miss Channing appeared in her lovely role of First Lady Abbey Bartlet. 

I told Eva about how much I was enjoying the show, and she actually started watching it herself. This was super exciting, especially as she started to text me periodically the same thoughts I had just experienced when watching the episodes. "POOR JOSH!" and "this is so 90s" were strong points of agreement. Eva informed me that Martin Sheen had been in a movie she thought was pretty good, that being Apocalypse Now. I was immediately won over by the idea that this very sweet older actor was a well-known guy in the 70s, so I watched the movie. I really really liked it. I kind of wasn't expecting to enjoy a "war movie" so much, but I've realized I tend to assume that certain genres are almost cartoonishly one-noted (ex. horror movies= screaming, blood and murder, superhero= costumes, special effects and fantasy). If that makes even a little bit of sense. On the whole, I don't expect movies to have even the slightest element of good storytelling or realism. Apocalypse Now and many other films have been proving me wrong lately.

The opening scene of the movie, where Capt. Willard has a breakdown in his room, has really stuck itself in my head. Learning later on that it had been a true on-camera moment of anguish for Martin, and even later that he had a heart attack in the midst of the insane shooting of the film, all made me more interested in him. I started looking into interviews, his other films, his activism and personal history. I genuinely think he's amazing, and seems so kind! So far I've watched That Certain Summer, The Departed, and Badlands. I'm still working my way through The West Wing (season 5 really halts the momentum) and as of like three days ago, Grace and Frankie on Netflix. I plan on writing another post in the future all about this. In any case: I now am kind of into movies because I am into Martin Sheen. I do worry that this comes off as a very tween-tumblr-stan-obsession type of thing when I talk about it to my friends? In honesty, I just adore his work and am excited to care so much about something/have a bunch of movies to enjoy/research to delve into. Maybe I am a little obsessive but I think it's ok. I'm very happy right now!

Over the past two months I've put together what I think is one of the most enjoyable playlists I've ever made. Of course, I may be the only one who would ever think that. It's music that feels good for me, in this specific moment of my life. But damn is it great! I'm not even a little sick of it yet.

I guess in my mind it is something refreshing, it is liberating from my anxieties, it's sentimental, it affirms my most positive ideas of myself as a person, and it's really fun to listen to. I shuffle it, by the way, there isn't any order to it besides the order in which I decide I like a song enough to add it.

If you're curious click here :o)

I did a lot in July. I trained to become a teen ambassador for Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn, which is a pretty cool notch to have on my belt. Between that and BPL Bookmatch Teen, I've surprised myself with the amount of true local involvement I'm a part of. Never did I guess I'd be able to say I'm extracurricular-ly active, or experienced in a field of work I'm interested in (librarianship!)

During my short tenure as a Greenwood trainee, I walked a lot around the gates of the cemetery. I saw egrets and herons by the Valley and Sylvan waters, which are two of the four glacial ponds in the graveyard. I saw cremation ovens (but no remains/"cremains" unfortunately) and funeral processions and archives. I know certain things off the top of my head, like the number of acres of land at Greenwood (478) and the year it opened (1838) and how to get to the highest point in Brooklyn, Battle Hill, from the entrance. I know that the Catacombs are only capital "c" Catacombs and not real catacombs, just a big crypt. Supposedly I'll be completing some volunteer hours there throughout the next year.

Great egret!

I had Madeline and Eva over for movies in July as well! The three of us watched A Hard Day's Night together, ordered food, and played monopoly. We had some exciting turtle encounters at the park that day as well. Mad came over again a week or two later and we watched Yellow Submarine which was lovely. She said some of it was a little terrifying and I find that reaction really funny because as a kid it was the most normal, staple movie for me. I think I've seen it at least 100 times. It was almost definitely formative for my childhood. 

We also got ice cream! 💗🐒

Madeline and I went to a cute pig-themed bubble tea spot in Bay Ridge called Pig Pig recently. I wish I had a photo of the big stuffed pig she picked out, it's pretty adorable. I am really looking forward to going back to that place and trying their soft serve ice cream/bubble tea beverages because it looked SO GOOD and SO FUN. A few days before that (none of what I'm sharing is chronological at this point) we went for ramen at Ten Ichi in Cobble Hill, which was fantastic. The pork ramen bowl I got was really rich and savory and a little sweet too. The best part, we both agreed, was the soy sauce egg. That evening was such a nice time- we hit up Trader Joe's after eating our supper and that is never not fun with her. Maybe the funniest thing was that Madeline got a carrot juice and took a huge swig of it before either of us recognized the fact that she was allergic to carrots. Oh my god, that was so silly and stupid. I'm more surprised that I forgot than anything!!! She used to eat carrots and apples and all the things that gave her mouth hives secretly anyway, what a menace. A very sweet menace.

The biggest thing that happened in July half-happened in August. I went upstate to the Adirondacks with Eva. The trip there was long for many reasons: late start, a pretty involved stop along the way, traffic, essentially getting lost for a bit, then a rest stop. It was also quite far up in New York. I really enjoyed the experience of the road trip anyhow. Part of it was the music, Eva or her dad would decide upon an artist and we'd listen to their stuff until the "best of" playlist ran out or it just felt like time for a switch. I hadn't listened to much of the Smiths or the Kinks or the Ramones until then, and I can't think of a better environment to be exposed to new music than on a car ride where you are a guest and have no pressure at all on yourself to select the tracks or form a real opinion. It was really really nice. 

I liked being on the road that night until I desperately had to go to the bathroom. I couldn't even shut up about it by a certain point and that was a little embarrassing. But I swear to you it was torture. The worst part is that when we finally got to the cabin, literally at one A.M., it was locked so I just gave up and peed in the woods. I think that solidified the alternate universe it felt like I was in on this trip. For some reason, a trip within my own state with my friend of something like ten years felt like the most foreign experience. I had a lot of fun though! We rode in a rickety 70 year old car that made me feel like I was going to jump out and go to war, paddled out in a rowboat with a broken oar holster, and I swam/stumbled in the very mossy and rocky Perch Pond. We watched Davio (her dad) start and finish a time trial bike race even further upstate, and he came in second! Back at the cabin, we had great food and a really beautiful view of the mountains. Eva and I slept on little beds up on a loft. It was fantastic except for how sore my hands and feet got from climbing up and down the ladder.

We watched Badlands there on her computer. I loved it. I managed to do a little reading throughout our stay as well, I am working through Frankenstein and Eva was reading Lolita. Another important thing to mention about the trip are the shoes I was wearing throughout it... Eva's mom lent me her hiking sneakers, these precious green-grey things with blue and brown details... I have never fell in love with a shoe in my life until these. They are the most perfect shoes for me. They complete the bottom of my legs. They match my favorite sweatshirt. They are PERFECT FOR ME!! I was selfishly hoping that I might get to keep them but it quickly became clear that wasn't happening. Hopefully I will get to buy a pair for myself soon.

The photos we took on the trip are pretty great. I posted some on Instagram, but here are some more.

Eva opening a big gate after hopping out of the
car that made me feel like we were in 'Nam

nysbra winner Davio and daughter Eva

Friendly taxidermy duck 

I think that covers everything I wanted to say! I guess one last thing is that I have been really hyperaware of my lack of eloquence in writing. I feel like a really shitty writer right now. My casual writing is either stiff or completely unstructured, and when I try to put effort into writing well, I'm limited by a lack of ability. The only solution is to do more, but my insecurity about it is bothering me right now and I can't not mention it. I hope I can get myself to improve.

One actual last thing: I am dedicating this post to the very cool activist and actor Jane Fonda because I started reading her blog and it's great. I may as well mention Lily Tomlin too because I think she will be the next actor I explore the entire filmography of. She is so so so cool. And a lesbian no less!! 

Bye :o)